Reading the Author's Mind

(size: 3)+(font: "Bebas Neue")[Reading the Author's Mind] (size: 2)[ ] (size: 2)+(font: "Bebas Neue")[An interactive delving] (size: 1)[by [[B.J. Best]]]

[(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line1|(set: $line1ct to it + 1) [(t8n: $trans2)+(font: $font2)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line2|(set: $line1ct to it+1) [(t8n: $trans3)+(font: $font3)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line3| <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[Ugh. You just had to come in here. I warned you not to. You could have picked that white door. We could already be back in the safe and loving arms of Amalgamated Projecting. But no, instead, here we are, you and I, in this bubbling trash heap the Author calls his mind. It stinks like vinegar and wet shoes. Come on, let's [[move along, then]].]</div> {(live: 3.11s)[ (set: $trans to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line1)] (live: 2.37s)[ (set: $trans2 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line2)] (live: 1.74s)[ (set: $trans3 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line3)]}

So let's offer you a choice. A real choice about how we should move this story forward. And the choices will all lead to wherever you truly want to go. No takesy-backsies, okay? Because this story is about many things: workplace drudgery, considering whom you should trust, hideous Web design, and national park vandalization among them. But ultimately, what this game—this story—is truly about is something only tangentially related to those things. It's actually about how my wife has cancer. [[Wow. That's, um—okay. Um ... sure, I'll read that story|how my wife has cancer]]. [[Really?]] [[I would literally prefer to read absolutely anything other than that.|Screw that!]]

Look, I get it. I promised you a choice. And it was likely a surprising one. But sometimes in stories, like life, you don't get to make a choice. Sometimes you're just 33 and happy and healthy, with a husband and a three-year-old at home, and then a lump in your breast comes and bulldozes the shit out of everything like a doctor driving a freight train. But maybe that's a bit much. I've got a bunch of other things prepared, too. [[Fine, sign me up for the wife-cancer thing, I guess.|how my wife has cancer]] [[Dude, seriously. Not cool. I want to play something else.]]

<h1>My Wife Has Cancer</h1> (align:"==>")+(box:"XXXXXXXXX=")[<h3>A comedy</h3> By B.J. Best (set: $trans to "fade")

You know what? Fine. Just fine. Go ahead, ignore the narrative arc I've so carefully laid out for you. Life, friend, sometimes is pain. And sometimes that pain comes in the form of how my wife has cancer]]. <hr> Hello? Can you hear me?]]

Wait, how did he get back in here? <hr> I told you that you should listen to me. There's nothing but ill-organized and blatantly misleading ideas coming from him. And frankly, Amalgamated Projecting would prefer to exclude a cancerous wife from its health insurance loss ratio. So, I've done a bit of tinkering while I was away. And both you and I will be fine if you open this gray door]].

(font: $font2)[ [[brown door]]] (font: $font3)[ [[beige door]]] (font: $font1)+(text-style: "double-strike")[ black door] <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[Yes! Finally! You, valued employee, will certainly earn many achievements for doing exactly as you were told! Look! It's a [[white door]] with an Amalgamated Projecting logo on it! All you have to do is open it, and we'll be home at last! Let's just ... forget everything that happened back in Utah. Trust me, the [[white door]] is where we need to go!]

Absolutely! What could be more intellectually stimulating than that, other than of course following what this story is supposed to be about: you know, [[how my wife has cancer]]. But who am I to ignore the work of the masters? So, valued erudite reader, if you could choose any seminal work of English literature, you'd definitely choose: <li>... [[a play]]. <li>... [[a French play|a play]]. <li>... [[an existentialist play|a play]]. <li>... [[a French existentialist play|a play]]. <li>... [[a French existentialist play first performed at the Théâtre de Babylone, 38 Boulevard Raspail, Paris, France, during the 1952-53 season|a play]].

Yes, yes, an excellent choice from the universe of English literature. I hereby present to you in distilled parser format: //Waiting for Godot//. And, valued erudite reader, after you reach the final curtain, please click here to continue so that we can have further invigorating conversations about the twentieth-century literary masterpiece you just experienced.

Let me ... let me get this straight. You are deep into an interactive fiction, and despite the many other options available to you, you want to play an arcade game released in 1976. [[Yup!]] [[Uh-huh!|Yup!]] [[You bet!|Yup!]]

Okay. I'm not sure you fully understand. So let me be crytsal clear: //It's fucking Breakout.// It reminds me of this meme by Mightygodking (2008): //Breakout//, or various clones of it, is already available on any one of a multitude of platforms, including: [(t8n:$trans)[(either: "Arcade", "Atari 2600", "Commodore 64", "Amiga", "Game Boy", "DOS", "ZX Spectrum", "Windows", "Atari 5200", "NES", "iPod Classic", "Nokia phone", "iPhone", "Atari Jaguar", "PlayStation", "PS4", "PS5", "Nintendo Switch", "Xbox One", "Apple II")]]<line1| And you want to play it in lieu of interactive fiction in general and this interactive fiction in particular? [[Absolutely!]] [[Of course!|Absolutely!]] [[Did I stutter?|Absolutely!]] (live: 2s)[ (set: $trans to (either: "fade-left", "blur", "pulse")) (rerun:?line1) ]

Look, it's not even a good version of //Breakout//. It's a janky HTML5 implementation I threw together with AI doing most of the coding. If you're willing to be reasonable, we could still get back the real issue here. [[The cancer thing.|how my wife has cancer]] Or you know what? I'm even willing to bring the Supervisor back for this. Dude, this valued reader wants to play //[[Breakout|for real]]//. <hr> Oh, that certainly wouldn't be acceptable at Amalgamated. This is exactly the kind of thing we try to prevent by blocking //Minesweeper// on all of Amalgamated's computers. So why don't we all come to our senses here, valued employee, and stop with these ridiculous premises that anything here in this garbage heap the Author calls his mind is more gratifying than submitting your project in a timely fashion by opening this white door with the Amalgamated logo on it.

You're incorrigible, you know that? As a kid, did you ever read the Sesame Street book //The Monster at the End of This Book: Starring Lovable, Furry Old Grover// (Little Golden Books, 1971) as a kid? Or have you ever read it to a kid? Yes? Because you know what? You're both the reader of the book //and the fucking monster//. That's you, friend. //Breakout// it is then. Great. So, how about another fucking choice. How many bricks do you want to break? <li>[[10]] <li>[[100]] <li>[[1,000]] <li>[[10,000]]

Ten. Ten fucking bricks. You gave up on the story to play //Breakout// so you could break ten bricks. That's like, what, twenty seconds of gameplay? [[Sure is!]]

Look, that's like less than two levels. You said you wanted to play //Breakout//, so you may as well step up and make it meaningful. Or at least protracted. Again: how many bricks? [[1,000]] [[10,000]]

You think you're so goddamn smart. We had a nice thing going, you and I, what with the achievements and the uranium and all. And now you're just tugging at the seams—at me, really—just to see what rips or rends. So let me ask again, you little shit: how many bricks would you like to break? [[10,000]] [[10,000]] [[10,000]]

Certainly. Ahem. We can still have fun, valued reader, you and I, far away from the land of drugs that will keep you alive provided you can afford their cost of more than $15,000 per month. (I live in the United States, valued reader, you see.) And since I am an Author of my word, I've prepared several other entertaining stories for you, because what you really want to play is: <li>... an intellectually stimulating parser game based on [[a seminal work of English literature]]. <li>... an awesome [[parody of a parody of interactive fiction]]. <li>... //[[Breakout]]//.

I hate to admit it, but at least I admire your enthusiasm. So go ahead and click righty here to play a 10,000-brick game of //Breakout//, because that's exactly where your choices have led you. I even ... I even hope you enjoy it. I know the AI enjoyed creating it for you. And, should you succeed in breaking 10,000 bricks in a single game, you'll be presented with a password. Come back here and enter it in the text box below to continue the story if you wish. (input-box:2bind $pwd,"===XXXX===",1,"") [(if: $pwd is "test")[hey]]<key| (live: 100ms)[(rerun: ?key)]

Yeah, pretty much as I expected. A boring number of bricks to complete for a boring game of //Breakout//. So go ahead and click righty here to play. If you succeed in breaking 1,000 bricks in a single game (it shouldn't be that hard, frankly), you'll be presented with a password. Come back here and enter it in the text box below to continue the story. Or don't. You're the one who chose //Breakout// in the first place, so I really have no idea where you're going with this. (input-box:2bind $pwd,"===XXXX===",1,"") [(if: $pwd is "test")[hey]]<key| (live: 100ms)[(rerun: ?key)]

{(set: $weekday to "") <script> const currentDate = new Date(); const dayOfWeek = currentDate.getDay(); const days = ['Sunday', 'Monday', 'Tuesday', 'Wednesday', 'Thursday', 'Friday', 'Saturday']; $weekday = days[dayOfWeek]; </script>Yeah, I get it. Why would you want to listen to me trying to make you sad? I'm just some guy on the Internet, after all. And you already know that sometimes sorrow, like bread, is meant to be shared. You're not going to learn anything new.} And maybe you've trudged through tragedies far, far worse than my own, a blinding numbness of rage and pain I'll never know. Or maybe you haven't, yet, and you're grateful for that. Or maybe it's just another $weekday (like today, really) and you're at work or you're in bed and you're just ready to move on to something less dour. You don't owe me my misery. But remember when I asked for your name, way back at the beginning of this story, way back in Amalgamated Projecting? You told me it was <name>. I hope--not for your sake, but for mine: I hope you were telling me the truth. THE END.

//Cosmoserve// was a text adventure released by Judith Pintar in 1991, and is widely considered to be one of the best games written with the Adventure Game Toolkit (AGT). AGT was very popular with amateur interactive fiction writers in the 1980s. In //Cosmoserve//, you play the game as a computer programmer who is obsessed with a BBS. But what is a BBS? And when were the 1980s? These answers have been lost to time. By navigating the game's fictional computer, you can eventually load and run //Wisconsin: The Text Adventure//, perhaps the first extant example of a text-adventure-within-a-text-adventure. //Wisconsin// has no actual bearing on the main game: you earn no points nor do you progress the story by playing it. Instead, it features a single guess-the-verb puzzle. Being both a Wisconsinite and smug, I guessed the verb in exactly one turn. If you are neither of those things, you may find the game significantly more difficult. But please, do your best, and don't immediately sprint to Google. In the 1980s in America, we didn't have things like Google. We didn't have things like electricity, William McKinley, keytars, a full moon under which to dance naked and perform our rituals, or Wisconsin. Instead, 1980s Americans had dysentery, the Stamp Act, Manifest Destiny, the Monroe Doctrine, a multitude of internments and genocides, Wang Chung's hit "Dance Hall Days," Speak & Spells, supply-side economics, and Wisconsin. Fortunately, 1991 also brought us the oft-forgotten sitcom //Step by Step//, starring Suzanne Somers and Patrick Duffy, set in the town of Port Washington. The opening credits depict an amusement park on the shores of Lake Michigan. No such amusement park exists; it is instead Six Flags Magic Mountain in California. Instead, Port Washington is a town with a jetty and small lighthouse, and whose meager beaches stink of dead fish. //Wisconsin: The Further Text Adventure// is all this and more. Let's goooooooo!

Yeah, really. Sorry to be a downer all of a sudden. And I know I promised you a choice, but sometimes in stories, like life, you don't get to make a choice. Sometimes you're just 33 and happy and healthy, with a husband and a three-year-old at home, and then a lump in your breast comes and bulldozes the shit out of everything like a doctor driving a freight train. And, yeah—it'll probably get heavy, but not for that long. And then we can go back to something else, something lighter. Or if I'm really derailing things here—like, who could have seen this coming?—I've got some other fun stuff we could do, too. [[Okay. I guess I'll try the cancer story.|how my wife has cancer]] [[Yeah, sorry, but this whole trauma thing isn't my jam. What else have you got?|Dude, seriously. Not cool. I want to play something else.]]

{(set: $line1ct to it + 1)[(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line1|(set: $line1ct to it + 1)} [(t8n: $trans2)+(font: $font2)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line2|(set: $line1ct to it+1) [(t8n: $trans3)+(font: $font3)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line3| <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[Of course I've been here before. Where do you think I came from in the first place? It's not like I'm proud of my roots. I moved out of here as soon as I could, worked hard, and became a Supervisor at Amalgamated. As for the Author--just look at these colors. It's like an interior decorator was [[inspired by snot.]]]</div> {(live: 2.31s)[ (set: $trans to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line1)] (live: 1.89s)[ (set: $trans2 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line2)] (live: 3.63s)[ (set: $trans3 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line3)]}

{(set: $line1ct to it + 1)[(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line1|(set: $line1ct to it + 1)} [(t8n: $trans2)+(font: $font2)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line2|(set: $line1ct to it+1) [(t8n: $trans3)+(font: $font3)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line3| <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[And don't get me started on these fonts. I swear. It is abundantly, painfully obvious he never took Training Module #G8A, Don't Make Your Typography Awful. Just hang tight while I look around for a way out. Have you ever tried walking around in a mind? It's like trudging through the gunk that's in a garbage disposal on top of towels used to wipe up locker room floors. [[Gross.]]]</div> {(live: 1.98s)[ (set: $trans to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line1)] (live: 3.69s)[ (set: $trans2 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line2)] (live: 2.77s)[ (set: $trans3 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line3)]}

{(set: $line1ct to it + 1)(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)[$newline1]<line1|(set: $line1ct to it + 1)} [(t8n: $trans2)+(font: $font2)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line2|(set: $line1ct to it+1) [(t8n: $trans3)+(font: $font3)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line3| <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[Wait--did you see that? A link to a purple door? Nevermind that. You know and I know and the Author surely knows what you really should be doing, and that's going back to Amalgamated to submit more projects, and in any case it's certainly not opening random colored doors that lead to aliens or clowns or whatever, so let's just keep moving along and ignore whatever he's doing and //[[find a better door]]//.]</div> {(live: 2.89s)[ (set: $trans to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline1 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (rerun: ?line1)] (live: 1.70s)[ (set: $trans2 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line2)] (live: 2.66s)[ (set: $trans3 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line3)]}

<hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[There's nothing here? You distinctly opened a purple door and behind it was nothing? Ugh. We did this already. This gets more useless by the second. Come on, we'll [[keep looking|find a better door]].]</div> {(set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $newline1 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1))}

{(set: $newline1 to "60 watt bulbs")(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)[$newline1]<line1|(set: $line1ct to it + 1)} [(t8n: $trans2)+(font: $font2)[$newline2]]<line2|(set: $line1ct to it+1) [(t8n: $trans3)+(font: $font3)[(nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)]]<line3| <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[Not here either. And these thoughts are just //terrible//. How is this Author able to string together two sentences in the first place? And what is it with him and doors? Hold up--is that smoke? Or natural gas? Whatever it is, It's [[thick on my tongue]].]</div> {(live: 3.03s)[ (set: $trans to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline1 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (rerun: ?line1)] (live: 2.32s)[ (set: $trans2 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline2 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (if: (random: 0,10) > 7)[(set: $newline2 to "[[pink door]]")] (rerun: ?line2)] (live: 2.86s)[ (set: $trans3 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (rerun: ?line3)]}

(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)[pink is red and white mixed together] <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[That's--that's it? You opened up the pink door, expecting to find something, except there's only one thought here, and that's it? How profound, Author. And what is that smell? [[Cilantro|thick on my tongue]]?]</div> {(set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $newline2 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1))}

{(set: $line1ct to it + 1)(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)[$newline1]<line1|(set: $line1ct to it + 1)} [(t8n: $trans2)+(font: $font2)[$newline2]]<line2|(set: $line1ct to it+1) [(t8n: $trans3)+(font: $font3)[$newline3]]<line3| <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[No, it's salt. Like, gray salt. That's what I was smelling--look, I can't explain it. But this is bad. Very bad. This is literally how thoughts crystallize. And it's not going to be good. Stay away from any doors until I say so. So [[where the hell is the one we need]]?]</div> {(live: 3.03s)[ (set: $trans to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline1 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (rerun: ?line1)] (live: 2.32s)[ (set: $trans2 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline2 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (rerun: ?line2)] (live: 2.86s)[ (set: $trans3 to (either: ...$transitions)) (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline3 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (if: (random: 0,10) > 4)[(set: $newline3 to "[[orange door]]")] (rerun: ?line3)]}

{(set: $font1 to "Spectral")(font: $font1)+(text-style: "strike")[ black door]} (font: $font2)[ [[brown door]]] (font: $font3)[ [[beige door]]] <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[No, no, no! No more thoughts about colored doors! And certainly not the black door again! Look, look, we're almost there. Let me just get these downed electrical wires out of the way. Look! Do you see it? We're very close! Just open this [[gray door]]!]</div> {(set: $font2 to "Spectral") (set: $font3 to "Spectral")}

{(set: $trans to "instant")(set: $trans2 to "instant")(set: $trans3 to "instant")(set: $line1ct to it + 1)(t8n: $trans)+(font: $font1)+(text-style: "strike")[$newline1]<line1|(set: $line1ct to it + 1)} {(set: $newline2 to "pink typewriter")[(t8n: $trans2)+(font: $font2)+(text-style: "strike")[$newline2]]<line2|(set: $line1ct to it+1)} {(set: $newline3 to "fix cabinet door")(t8n: $trans3)+(font: $font3)+(text-style: "strike")[$newline3]<line3|} <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[Listen! I need you to listen to me! We're looking for a white door, okay? And I'm getting close. I'm starting to overpower him. So just ... [[stop opening doors|where the hell is the one we need]]!]</div> {(live: 3.03s)[ (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline1 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (rerun: ?line1)] (live: 2.32s)[ (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline2 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (rerun: ?line2)] (live: 2.86s)[ (set: $line1ct to it + 1) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline3 to (nth: $line1ct, ...$line1)) (rerun: ?line3)]}

(font: $font1)[ [[black door]]] (font: $font1)[ [[black door]]] (font: "Roboto Slab")+(text-style: "strike")[gray door] <hr class="mind"><div class="super">(size: $fs)[No! Why would you listen to him? Let me try it now: (text-style: "strike")[gray door]. Ugh! (text-style: "strike")[gray door] (text-style: "double-strike")[gray door] Dammit! (text-style: "wavy-strike")[white door] (text-style: "smear")+(text-style: "mirror")[white door] (text-style: "blurrier")+(text-style: "tall")[white door] (text-style: "upside-down")+(text-style:"outline")+(text-style:"blink")[white door]] (css: "font-size: 20.4px; line-height: 30.6px;")[Fine. You. You. You horrible, intransigent, inconsiderate--you know, you know what? You just--you just--Gah! (text-style:"smear")[What's that? Wha](text-style:"blur")[t is happening to every](text-style:"blurrier")[thing here? (text-style: "strike")[Why are t](text-style:"double-strike")[he wal]]] </div>

Lovely. Let's just turn the Supervisor off for a moment, shall we? And let's make the story [[a lot more about you]]. And, possibly, me. <hr class="mind">

(size: 3)+(font: "Bebas Neue")[Giving the player a real choice] (size: 2)[ ] (size: 2)+(font: "Bebas Neue")[A genuine offer] (size: 1)[by [[B.J. Best|choice]]]

{(set: $trans to "blur") (set: $trans2 to "shudder") (set: $trans3 to "fade-right") (set: $super to "Roboto Slab") (set: $fs to 0.85) (set: $line1ct to 1) (set: $line1 to (a: "send text re: car appt.", "homework for Wednesday", "pet cat", "look up James Wright poem", "sandwich for lunch", "where are my keys?", "will this stain come out?", "mirtazapine", "\"Work fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours!\"","Armistice Day","marbles","what is Pickles biting now?","I thought I was going to sneeze","ugh, this error again: (live: 2.49s)","my.carrollu.edu", "salsa", "//Super Mario Bros.//", "8h 17m sleep", "autumn seems warmer this year", "pick up prescriptions", "go grocery shopping", "spin Pokéstop", "should I add more achievements?", "desk lamp", "metastatic breast cancer", "what time is it?","eta 5:30","1848","pay the credit card bill","Em and Riley", "curry with edamame", "reply all", "driving to Waukesha", "chicken pox at fourteen", "headphones", "Uniball Eye pen", "twitch in my left hand", "can of Coke","It would be //los gatos//, I think","3x + 5y = 12","the summer of 1997","oil change","do laundry","pay Internet bill", "215 calories burned", "put away lesson plans", "call Mom", "pasta for dinner?", "reschedule dentist", "new screwdriver", "did I put on deodorant today?", "keep it moving, citizen", "Trump is such an asshole", "rejection", "health insurance deductible", "shudder", "why don't these kids use mouse pads?", "MacAllister 108", "I still can't believe I said that", "burned-out light in the kitchen", "check the math homework", "They Might Be Giants, //John Henry//", "I should probably go for a walk soon", "do we have D&D this weekend?", "replace the broken B string", "\"A poem should not mean / but be.\"", "am I getting sick?", "on the boat in Grenada", "check mouse traps", "pick up sugar and wine", "Delicate Arch", "sonnets kick ass", "ugh, yes, that was my knee that just popped", "no one's liked my Instagram post yet", "charge the controller", "better too nice than too mean", "probably needs new tires", "ice-skating on New Year's", "//Only Murders in the Building//", "yeah, that sucks", "department meeting", "yes, definitely a beer tonight", "I texted that to you yesterday", "not enough wind tonight", "i ran for mayor of my heart and lost", "that August on the couch", "take out trash", "band concert on Thursday", "check collision code", "didn't think you could get a zit there", "ask Jim about how he thinks we should do it", "that doesn't make the Misfit the good guy", "hopefully not this year", "that was Des Moines, I guess", "bluetooth speaker", "maybe for a birthday or Christmas or something", "narratology vs. ludogoly", "lol", "the skis probably need to be sharpened", "Ash Lake", "three days so far, I guess that's good", "I guess she married some tech guy", "june 30th", "fifteen-year mortgage", "two spaces after a period", "I should really learn more CSS", "kiss", "saguaro cactus", "teaching my kid how to build a snowman", "is that how you're supposed to draw an ampersand?", "a bunch of essays to grade", "resting heart rate is good", "2d6+3", "//Horizon Zero Dawn//", "synthwave", "Axidraw plotter", "Cheetos", "boat ride to Gilbert's Lake", "snowmobile trail", "this town is full of idiots", "headache", "34 mpg", "Dorm Night Hero", "C₉H₇Cl₂N₅", "clean litter box", "flowers", "shake shake shake", "crumbs on my keyboard", "7th grade photo", "my glasses are filthy", "asdfjkl;", "baby, you sure know how to tune a radio", "skinny-dipping", "> SHAZAM", "police siren", "\"Because it is evening, I remember memory now.\"", "gotta pee", "a lot of rain tomorrow, i guess", "remember when we drove go-karts?")) (set: $transitions to (a: "fade", "flicker", "shudder", "pulse", "blur", "fade-left", "fade-right", "fade-up", "fade-down")) (set: $fonts to (a: "Tapestry", "Lakki Reedy", "Amita", "Grenze Gotisch", "Bebas Neue", "Spectral", "Graduate", "Cutive", "Silkscreen", "Genos", "Rampart One", "Museo Moderno", "Major Mono Display", "Bahiana", "Bungee Shade", "Margarine", "Borel", "Splash", "My Soul")) (set: $font1 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $font2 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $font3 to (either: ...$fonts)) (set: $newline1 to "[[purple door]]") (set: $newline2 to "four rainbows in one day") (set: $newline3 to "wearing a mask") }

This is a test. <a name="midpoint" id="midpoint"></a>